They're not perfect, just forgiven. Accept no substitutes!
Splitters! And THIS is RIGHT OUT!
Sure, it's seductive. And, sure, in actuality they all taste pretty much the same. But BE NOT DECEIVED! Everyone knows the 'O' in Coke represents the eternal potential from which the universe, INCLUDING all inferior colas, sprang. You see an 'O' in Pepsi? Huh?? Do you??? Oh, sure, there's an 'O' in 'New Coke'; but, take a closer look. See the 'NEW', right there on the can for everyone to see? It screams 'FALSE', doesn't it? Doesn't it??? So if you want a tasty afterlife filled with gusto, sweetness, and superior fizz, accept Coke into your hearts, and shun the rest for the foul knockoffs they truly are.
One more thing: As far as those colorless softdrinks, not to mention the ones with the fruity taste of lime and lemon, what? You gonna foul your god-given palate with the sody pop of Democrats, homosexuals, and Unitarians? Go for the true, the holy, the REAL thing, and accept no less. That is, unless you want to BURN IN HELL!
Oh, and none of this shit, either. I mean, seriously! Think Jesus without a dick.
Why hello, Gideon! More hero worship? Philly will be pleased, you taking his name like this. Of course, since your antics are sponsored by cl, I'm sure they're ultimately rational. That Holy Spirit is just full of surprises, isn't it? What with all the incest and bestiality jokes, the constant references to pornography, I can better understand Jesus' habit of disappearing into the desert with a bunch of guys from time to time. Nothing much under those robes, eh?
ReplyDeleteChristianity at it's finest, ladies and gentlemen! More evidence of God's nonexistence. Or at least, if he does exist, you sure wouldn't wanna be in his 'flock', now would you?
And remember: Gideon is part of the official cl posse, as endorsed by cl on numerous occasions.